Throughout the history of painting, artists have constantly turned the mirror on themselves and tackled the art of confronting their own identity in what we so simply label the "self-portrait".
But why?
There really isn't a simple answer. Sure the artist themselves is always there as a free and ready model to be drawn or painted. But its not always easy to stare yourself in the eye.
Artists like Rubens, Steen, and Maillol (among countless others) painted themselves over and over. Sometimes using themselves as a free model like Maillol or sometimes as a kind of "where's waldo" like Jan Steen. For others the self-portrait seems much more a psychological study, like Schiele or Munch.
As a "landscape painter" as I tend to label myself, I rarely incorporate the human figure in my main body of work. I lean toward uninhabited or pure landscape environments. Sure every now and then my niece and nephew have sneaked their way in. And lately my own little one has gotten into a few pictures. But I tend to obscure their faces and approach them from behind or lately behind the mask.
So why would I need to practice portraiture? The truth is I really don't, but I do. Another reality is that I have a vast body of work that is my self-portraits. So why does a landscape painter find herself staring in the mirror so often? I find my self-portraits definitely put me in that second category. They are not done for any purpose other than confronting myself. As such, I've noticed a commonality between this body of work and other psychological self-portraits: that look in the eyes. Even Rubens had it in his pure self-portraits. Staring at yourself in the mirror is hard and the line of sight is direct. You have to hold your pose, not tilt your head and focus....and it shows. It's in the eyes.
Every January I make myself confront that mirror as a way to take stock of myself. I will randomly draw myself other times of year, but every January I drag out this mirror and confront myself. And self portraits are hard because you can't be objective no matter how hard you try. And different years and different times in my life I have used the self-portrait to address issues that I cannot address in landscape; issues that truly help me deal with that sense of identity, sexuality, image and how I see myself.
So its January, and even though I ended last year with a self portrait as my second to last piece, I felt an obligation to fulfill this arrangement I made with myself so many years ago. And I know that come next January I will be once again looking in that mirror, because for me the self-portraits are something I have to do. They're just for me, I need that mirror. Because in that time that you're looking yourself in the eye you have no choice but to question who it is you're drawing now.....because we are never the same person as in the portrait before.
Comments